Peach Parchment #39
June 2nd: Belinda Roose's Resume
*Last summer, I had an evening of one-act plays produced titled THE MUNCHIES.
One of the plays ‘Belinda is Psychic’ was a monologue in the guise of a cover letter.
The lead character, Belinda, is attempting to get hired at a local big-box retail store, Smart-Mart, in order to replace her previous career: working as a psychic medium & paranormal investigator.
For the production, we needed a stack of 100 resumes Belinda could throw around. I wanted to make sure if any audience members picked up a page, it’d read like a real resume, with both the front and back telling more of Belinda’s story.
Here is Belinda’s resume— fresh from my writing vaults.
Enjoy!
& click around, there might be a few easter eggs hidden inside.
BELINDA ROOSE
100 Red Cox Drive. | St. Augustine, Florida, 32080
[Belinda_IS_psychic@aol.C0M] | [(305) 1515-1648] | [www.belinda_is_psychic.gov]
PROFESSIONAL SUMMARY
Dedicated and client-oriented professional with over 5 years of experience in the psychic arts, and world of the occult.
Proven track record of driving sales, managing multiple projects, and creating engaging relationships between ghosts, poltergeists, and specters all across Florida.
Passionate about delivering an exceptional experience and fostering customer loyalty.
Eager to bring my expertise in the supernatural and exceptional customer service skills to Smart-Mart as an Associate Manager.
SELECTED WORK EXPERIENCE
PARANORMAL INVESTIGATOR
[Freelance] | [St. Petersburg, FL] | [05/2020] – [Present]
Cryptid Hunting: Florida is full of weird stuff; I hunt all over the place!
Demonic Exorcism: I partner with local priests to rid evil forces from all sorts of things!
Ritual Practice: I am familiar with esoteric rituals from throughout the world.
CLAIRVOYANT MEDIUM
[Contract] | [Sarasota, FL] | [05/2020] – [07/2024]
Solving Homicides: Local police contact me to find murderers & serial killers.
The Beyond: Frequent visitor to the realm past “life” on earth.
Dead Talk: Sympathetic ear to those who have “passed on”.
EAR PIERCING TECHNICIAN
[Claire’s Jewelry & Toys] | [Tampa, FL] | [05/2010] – [05/2020]
Blood: Devised a special mix to get blood out of any fabric.
Piercing(s): experience w/: Ear, nose, eyebrow, belly button, lips, and septum.
Good with kids: majority of my clients were pretty young; and they were so cute!
EDUCATION
Associate Degree [Lakewood Community College] | [Lakewood, FL] | [09/2018] – [05/2020]
Major: Business & Religious Studies
Independent Study: Ballroom Dancing
Accolades: Dean’s List; Acapella; Semester abroad: Transylvania.
PROJECTS
Ravenblood Manor Murder Mystery
[My NDA expires on November 1st @ midnight; thinking of writing a tell-all book about this]
The Vanishing of Bunny Leonard
High school prom queen who was buried alive by her principal; used psychic abilities to save Bunny with minutes to spare before high-tide filled her lead-lined coffin with ocean water.
AWARDS & HONORS
[KEY TO THE CITY: Miami, Florida] | [Mayor’s Office] | [2027]
This is a forthcoming honor for a stopping an assassination attempt on a local mall Santa Clause on December 25th, 2026; Santa performer is Miami Florida mayor’s kid brother, he will be grateful. You’ll read about this in the paper.
[EMPLOYEE OF THE MONTH | Tampa, FLA. [Claire’s | [Aug. 2019]
While my manager stated this award was in recognition for all of my work at Claire’s. It was given to me in August because of the day I cleaned up vomit twice in one day. (The mall had expired Orange Chicken at the Food Court).
LANGUAGES
[ ENGLISH ] – [Proficiency Level: Native]
[ LATIN] – [Proficiency Level: Conversational]
REFERENCES
LUCIO FULCI [can be contacted via crystal ball]
Famed Italian horror film director; filmed a number of projects in Central, Florida. Despite his death in 1996; I am in conversation with him almost daily. Currently, co-writing a screenplay together.
BUNNY LEONARD [email: Bunny@aowl.com]
Former high school prom queen. I’ve known personally and professionally for 3 years. Saved Bunny from being buried alive, with pick axe stolen by her kidnapper Principal Olden. Bunny can speak to my bravery, my quick thinking, and as well as my one-of-a-kind pasta salad recipe (which I have made for Bunny four times!)
Thanks for reading!
If you’d like to check out the Belinda is Psychic play script, you can find it: HERE.
June 2025.