*I like searching through books in libraries and used bookstores for “Found Paper”.
These can be Notes or Drawings or Photos or Postcards; forgotten or lost or abandoned.
I used to have a collection of photographs hanging on my wall of pictures or polaroids found inside books or lost in the street.
I particularly love notes or pieces of paper with writing in them.
On March 20th, 2017 I found three folded pieces of paper on the J-train subway platform.
It was a short story. This was a big find. I’d never found something this long before.
The title at the top read: ‘The Legend of Pumpkin Spice’, written in blue bic pen.
I read the story while walking home and transcribed it in an email to myself.
It’s been burning a hole in my writing vault, and today I will unleash it to the world.
Here’s a word-for-word transcription of the Pumpkin Spice story exactly as I found it.
THE LEGEND OF PUMPKIN SPICE
Hello everyone,
My name is Margaret Bainey, or, as some of you may know Marge B, or, as some if you may know, Pumpkin Spice.
I was kicked out of the spice girls just before the release of our debut album simply for missing 3 of my teeth, which is only 2 more than Sporty Spice.
This all happened just before the release of our debut album: SPICE. I was devastated and I didn’t know what to do.
Every time I turn on my TV? There were the Spice Girls.
Every time I turn on my radio? There were the Spice Girls.
Every time I open the paper? There were the Spice Girls.
Every time I walk down the street? Every time I get on the bus?
Every time I open a magazine?
Every time I go grocery shopping?
Every time I open my calendar?
So what do you do, when everywhere you look, you see Spice Girls, but when you look in the mirror you see a pumpkin? You seek guidance.
So I called up Tony Robbins and I say “Tony it’s Pumpkin Spice”.
And Tony says “What?”.
And I said “It’s Pumpkin Spice”.
And Tony says “I don’t have any idea what you’re talking about”.
And so I say “I’m Pumpkin Spice! I was kicked out of the Spice Girls for missing more teeth than Sporty Spice. Please I need your help and guidance.
And so he says “Okay, come to my seminar.” And so I did.
And I learned that you can do anything you want to do.
All you have to do is just do the thing that you say you want to do.
That, you only live once. I
f you want to do your thing, then you gotta do your thing.
That if you’re unhappy with something, you should find something that makes you happy.
And so, after one of Tony’s seminars, I went up to him and I said “Tony, thank you so much for teaching me that I can do whatever it is I want to do, as long as I do it.
And he said “Margaret, do you know how i fuck my wife?”
And I say “No”.
And he says “This is how I fuck my wife”.
And I say “Oh”.
And he says “Do you know why I fuck my wife like this?”
And I says “No”.
And he says “Because I decide to fuck my wife like this”.
And I say “Oh… my god, I get it now, Tony. I see the light, I just get it now, I get everything. If I want to do something I gotta do it. And so I stand here today to say yeah.
“I decide to come back, baby!”
Pumpkin Spice is dropping a new (unreadable word) and I will leave you with a song…
THE END.
Pumpkin Spice has always stuck with me. I always wonder who wrote it and why.
Was it simply a joke? Or meant for something larger?
Is Margaret Bainey real?
How did the author feel when it was lost?
Have you ever found something that was lost?
June 2025.